Things to keep a prematurely grumpy old man grumpy as September wears on:
1. Academic departments that decide suddenly to ration out how much paper each faculty member receives each semester. "Um. Pardon me for printing out drafts of the academic articles, book chapters, short stories, reviews and lecture notes that lie at the heart of my job description and tenure expectations."
2. Nose-diving first-place baseball teams that seem determined to relinquish their lead just before playoff time.
3. Any vehicle with "F-150, F-250, or F-450" in its name.
4. Bigoted politicians who don't attend AIDS conventions ostensibly because it will link them publicly to a "queer" cause.
5. Fantasy football draftees who underperform. Yeah, I might be talking 'bout you, Cedric Wilson.
6. Thirty-dollar mp3 player covers supposedly designed for certain models of mp3 players but which don't fit properly.
7. The jerk campus police officer who ticketed my car when I was parked illegally to play basketball. The lot was half empty, dude!
So we beat on, boats against the current, and all that--
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